Things I have learned this week....

and these are in no particular order....

[1] I should roll my windows down all the way when I am pitching a banana peel out the window of my car.

[2] When driving down the road, and you notice an ear hair ( ewww ) and you pull on it and your hand extends 9 1/2 inches away from your ear before it stops..... can cause a person to drive erratically.....

[3] When attempting to type erratically, and you misspell it, and the SPELL CHECK suggests EROTICALLY???? do not click " ACCEPT"

[4] When driving down the road, after noticing a very very long ear hair, you should not instinctively reach for your Swiss Army Knife.

[5] One should not use the Swiss Army Knife in the car while driving!

[6] One should keep band-aids in the glove box of the car at all times!!

[7] You should not rub your eyes after eating Jalapeno Chips.

[8] Neither should you pick your nose after eating them.

[9] One should keep band aids AND wet wipes in the glove box of the car at all times.

[10] Just because it is cool for 15 year old boys to wear their pants half way down their behinds, does not mean it is cool for 45 year olds to do that.

[11] Apparently I need suspenders.

[12] If, while using the bathroom at Tim Hortons, and all too late you realize there is no toilet tissue left??? Hollering HELPPPPPPPPPP does absolutely NO GOOD WHAT SO EVER.

[13] Managers at "SOME" Tim Hortons stores have NO SENSE OF HUMOUR AT ALL!!

[14] Roast beef, left in the fridge for nearly 2 weeks.... still looks edible.

[15] Roast beef, that is nearly 2 weeks old.... apparently is NOT edible.

[16] 2 hours stuck in the bathroom can make a person numb on one end and dumb on the other.

[17] The TV remote will not work from the bathroom.

[18] The cord on my laptop does not reach all the way to the bathroom.

[19] The door bell rarely rings.... until I am uh.. otherwise occupied.

[20] The guy from the Gas Company, who came to the door to make sure my ACCOUNT was protected, rang the door bell WAY too many times.

[21] The guy from the Gas Company, who came to the door to make sure my ACCOUNT was protected, did not appreciate me coming to the door dressed as I was.

[22] The guy from the Gas Company, who came to the door to make sure my ACCOUNT was protected, will probably not come to MY door again.

[23] Chicken casserole, left in the fridge for almost 2 weeks.... ALSO looks edible...

I will report back to you as to how edible it actually IS!

Happy Halloween!!

My nephew.....

Bitterlug

I'm not an activist... nor by any ones gauge, an environmentalist....

but I do greatly dislike littering....

While I'm driving, I never EVER pitch stuff out my window... well.....except for two things..

"gum"

which I feel adds to the stability of and helps fill cracks IN the pavement ( though my kids vehemently disagree with me on that one.)

and Banana peels...

I have this philosophy ..... that if the banana peel helps fertilize the ground, making it more fertile, then in essence....I've helped the community..... by composting!!

Get to the point Paul....

ok.. so I'm driving along highway 7 yesterday.... with a banana peel in need of a final resting place...... because I hate littering, I will only throw peels out if I can find a spot where I know the ditch is close... AND where no one will see me.... cause from a distance, a car behind ( and especially a police car ) could never tell WHAT I pitched.. just THAT I did............

SO I finally found the spot..... and please know that for the last 4 1/2 miles while I was hunting and waiting for the right spot, that banana peel was staring at me, and taunting me ....

OCD takes over and I become almost frantic ... at which point I can concentrate on nothing else save getting that peel OUT of my car.... I'm as pathetic as a kid in a candy store with money in his pocket!! It's burning a hole in my pocket!!!

anyway... I found the spot... no cars meeting me... only one behind me and he was WAY back.... finally .... a break in traffic...

But since highway 7 was just rebuilt and resurfaced this summer, the shoulders are really wide...... so I knew I'd have to put some muscle into the throw.....

so in a rush, needing to not only be quick unloading the peel, but needing to really whip it a long ways.... I pressed on the power window switch........ careful to put my window only partly down so that my papers didn't fly all over, I leaned sideways and with all my might, I HEAVED.......











and hit the top of the window......splitting the peel in half, part of it dropping over the window like an over weight pole vaulter and the other half of the peel falling back in the car, and slding down under the passenger seat..... leaving mush all over the window....

jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepers!

as I looked back in the mirror.... I saw the other half of the peel.... smack in the middle of the road.....

jeeeeeeeeeeeepers!

I'm not sure which ticket would be worse.... a littering charge.... or a careless driving charge, for driving all over the road, from laughing so hard!!

Quotable....

If you've not ever read it, you should read my brother's blog..... among other things, one of the neat thing Bruce's blog does, is to document his kids' "growing up years"

....

I wish I'd had a blog when my kids were little....

Back then, every now and then I would jot down a note with some of the things the kids said....

tonight while sorting some old papers, I found one of those little notes.....


These are from 1998 .....


[1] June 13, 1998 - it was late evening... I was getting ready for bed.... and I'd just gone to the bathroom.... wearing only my boxers..... Standing in front of the toilet, with the door shut, thinking I had the place to MYSELF .... when the door suddenly blew open...

Anna, who was 6 at the time, had awakened from a deep sleep, barged into the bathroom and said :

" I need a DRINK .... ANDDDDD You shouldn't stand in your underwear in front of a GIRL "

sigh!!!


[2] June 14, 1998 - Anna came into my messy office and said : " You know, for an actual man, you make a pretty good mess ! "



The next few aren't dated....

[3] I was teaching Abby ( who in June of 1998 was not quite 5 ) I was hoping to educate her about life around the house. On this particular day, I was showing her how to answer the phone.... The kitchen phone was mounted on the wall, and I wanted her to realize she'd need to pull a chair over if ever she needed to answer it....

Paul : " Abby, this phone is too high to reach. If it rings, what are you going to do?

Abby : " Say Hello ! "

duh dad!!

[4] Teaching the kids one day about Easter, I started asking questions...

" Jesus died for our sins...... what happened on the third day?"

and one of the kids replied " He made the Sun and the Moon"

uh no, ( in my best Alex Trebek voice ) ....we were looking for Resurrection!!


[5] One day Anna and Abby and I were out shopping.... When we got home , expecting their mom and brother to be inside the house, the girls were out of the van like a shot ...

They got to the door WAY ahead of me and rang the door bell feverishly..... after no one answered, they turned to me and said..
" No one is inside"

and thinking this would be a good time to train them about Jesus' presence, I said...

" Jesus is inside"

to which Anna replied :

"Well He may be inside but he's NOT ANSWERING THE DOOR"

lol

and last but not least....


[6] One morning just after waking up, I went up to Anna and kissed her.....noticing her reaction, and realizing I'd not brushed my teeth yet, I said...

" Sorry Honey... I didn't brush my teeth yet"

to which she replied

" All I smell are your arm pits "


sigh.....

Heard Recently.....

some quotable quotes heard around my place in the last while.....

Anna: Daddy, look at all of the neat features on that phone... I'd like to get it.. what do you think?
Daddy: Don't you think you should ask your mom?
Anna: I'm not looking for your permission; I'm looking for your finances!

*********************

Text from Dad: Hey bud... would you mind vacuuming today when you get to my place after school?
Return Text from Taylor : Lol i really would love to..but im far to busy relaxing

************************

Dad ( to Anna ) : Anna, put the book down and come to the table for supper
Taylor : Yeah... books are important to me too ....
Food .....then Death ...........Then BOOKS

*******************************************

How much does everybody owe???

One of my very favourite movies is Oceans' Eleven....

11 guys master plan this huge Casino robbery .... for the criminal mind in all of us, it's a wonderful story ( shudder!! ) ....

In the sequel ( Oceans 12... imagine that! ) .... they get "found" by Terry Benedict, the casino owner that they robbed...

and have to pay it back...with interest!!

At the first meeting of the 11 to figure out how they will pay it back, they go around the circle to see how much of the original "score" money each has left...

Saul, played by Carl Reiner, is the elder statesmen of the group. For most of the entire first movie, he was fighting ulcers, after coming out of retirement to help pull off the theft.

After all he went through to help GET the money, now, at his age, he has no intention of giving any of it back....

I absolutely LOVE the script when they ask him how much HE has left..........





How much is everybody short??? the question works its way around the room

"Saul.... ??"

"I haven't spent it all.... but I will!

I'm out fellas...

As ranking old timer, I gotta say ...I just can't do it

At my age, I think I earned the right to be selfish.

I want to thank you all for the wonderful opportunity; You're all ACES in my book.

But I want the last cheque I write to bounce..... "



and with those words... he hiccups slightly, pops an ant-acid ....

and walks off the set....

A priceless piece of writing....

As I have contemplated those words many times, i think about my own life....

and how dismal "retirement" looms..... by the time I get there, there will likely not BE any old age security pension.... and since I don't work for a company that provides a pension, I will have to rely on my own savings to live on when I get old...

shudder....

The other day somebody asked me how my retirement planning was coming....

I punched them .... and when they came TO .... I said..

well.....actually.... I have enough set aside to retire NOW....

as long as I don't live past Tuesday....


sigh!!

Look away....I'm Hideous

so I got my renewal notice for my Wood Stove ( W.E.T.T. ) certification..... when I went in to pay it online, I noticed a button that would allow me to change the photo they have on file...

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! the one I have presently was one I took myself.... and GOOD GRIEF was it brutal..

the thing is though... you can't blame the photographer when the subject is uh well... uh...you know...

maybe if I put it this way : I won't say he's ugly... but he's BARELY purdy.....

to quote somebody we all know and love

anyway I set up my tripod and took a myriad of ugly photos...

here's a sampling....






OK THEN...... guess we'll go with the photo they already have on file!!!

If only I could have sat STILL !!!

actually I may upload this one....
I am half gray and have bags the size of CRATERS under my eyes....

Think maybe I need a NAP?????

Thankful Poem

One of my favourite Christmas treats is Candy Cane Chocolate Fudge Crackle ice cream.... I have never ever seen it come out this early... it's usually November before I find it.....but I found some today.....

and here's my Thanksgiving poem to show how truly thankful I am!!




Praise God from whom
all blessings flow
this ice cream came
before the snow.

while shopping for
some pumpkin pie
these tubs of GLORY
caught my eye

i bought two tubs
I plan ahead!
But sad to say
I'm an air head

I plunked the tubs
inside my trunk
while driving home
I heard a clunk

I ended up
with out my car
and walking home
seemed just too far

Canad'ian TIRE
I saw with glee
garage doors open
just for me

We limped on in
my car, and me
to see what kind
of help they'd be.

"Your Batt'rey's dead"
his words brought pain
some of my cash
those words did gain!

but cash aside
and truth be told
I'm thankful for
those words so bold.

No tow truck came
no long long walk
I'm thankful for
mechanic talk.

But whilst I fixed
my battery dead
the ice cream slipped
my mind... oh dread.

So now I'm home
and here's the scoop
my ice creams' merely
Ice cream SOUP!





but I'm stillllllllllllll thankful for it!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Dad's Birthday Party

Mom and Dad... on their way to a wedding on Saturday afternoon....

giving us ample time to sneak the Jeep and trailer away for a few minutes!

We loaded up a couple of round tables and 14 chairs... and took them to the Yardmen arena...


My brother had arranged the entire thing.... thank you Bruce!

He rented the executive box at the Bulls game on Saturday night, arranged for the caterers, picked the menu ( did not get chicken and rice.... you're WELCOME dad! ) and had sent requests to all levels of government... all of which responded with nice plaques or letters....

Talk about a ton of work... way to go Bruce!!

Here are the kids... in the box, hiding so they could jump out and surprise Grampa


Grampa... pretending to be surprised!

Isaac with his noise maker.... hey... isn't a 5 year old actually a noise maker on their OWN??


What do you MEAN papa is old???


The gang, in the box.... overlooking the arena... what a wonderful spot for a birthday party!


Anna and Eva... making noise!!
The Room





Sit HERE Uncle paul..... sigh!

yes I DID Notice it wasn't chicken and rice!!!


We spiked Dad's drink..... !!!


Getting ready to watch the game with Papa

It's gonna START Papa !!!


Dad enjoying the letter from the MP

Showing off the framed signed picture of Carey Price... to Jake Grimes, Assistant coach of the bulls.

pretty cool EH Isaac???


Taylor, wishing Grampa Happy Birthday!

Bruce and Tanya enjoying the game



Bully with Isaac and Jacob.... we need one more boy in this family.. we can call him Esau!

Dad with the PR guy from the Bulls office....

Jacob keeping score

Lining up for the anthem

Carol and David... no wait.. David and Carol

My kids were very excited about holding Faith for the first time!!

Anna.....


Abby ....

and Taylor.....


My kids posing with Faith and Gramma and Grampa


Abby is Number 1 ..... so are the Bulls, incidentally!!


Katie and Papa enjoying the game
After Mom went home, Bruce took Tanya and the kids to their house... this was the last group to leave the box... sigh.. it was such a fun night... Happy Birthday Dad... we love you !! Very much!!

Isaac the hockey star

On Saturday, the kids and I got to watch Isaac play hockey.. his 2nd game of the season....He played at the Memorial... a historic old arena in downtown Belleville....




He's a pretty sharp player.... quick with his gloves in net...


My brother Bruce... is one of the on ice coaches


Isaac is SO focused. ... he concentrates on his game and is succeeding because of it...His face off stance cracked me right up!


This is part of the Isaac Mackay fan club!!!



After one particularly long double shift, Isaac plunked himself on the ice in the corner and charged his batteries.....



Got a drink from one of the coaches.....




and promptly went out and scored!!




In the first two games this season, he has 14 goals already... and will gladly tell you how many his DADDY HAS so far this season!!...... ( 2 !! )


I love this picture... i'm not sure if he was posing or was just showing me his lovely hair!!

Great Game Isaac... we are proud of you!!