Still rambling

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

His mercies are new every morning

The last while, it seems, the days are short... the clouds are dark.... people's moods are testy... I've not had a run of grumpy customers like I have this fall, in a very long time....

and it has taken it's toll..... I'm not sleeping, I'm up and down like a toilet seat emotionally....

and I look at all of this and say : WHY is this going on now? maybe because deep in my heart, I think God is calling me to RELY .... not to just function,or to endure; not to make it on my own... but to let go and rely....

I've gotta tell you, I don't care for it. I'm not overly independent as a person, but I can't stand being DEpendent.... it takes the confidence right out from under me.....

and yet... when I rely on paul mackay, I have this fake assurance that I can make it just fine on my own.... when in actuality, I flub stuff up more than most people....

and the God of all mercies, offers me the chance to sit back and just ride.... to let HIM drive the boat for a while....

and what do I say? oh no, not me.... I'm good... I took Drivers Ed ... I know how to handle this vehicle called Paul Mackay....

but when push comes to shove, and I feel myself sliding all over the road of my life, instead of grabbing the wheel harder, what God is asking of me.... is to let go.

take my hands off the wheel completely.... and let him drive....

I don't know ..... I hate riding... I prefer driving....that way, I usually know where I'm going to end up....

but this time, I have to let go of the wheel ....

I find myself on my knees in the morning lately.... pleading, claiming, frantic for calm and peace...

I think it is fitting that these verses are found in Lamentations ....

22It is ( because ) of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.

23They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

and with it comes the still small voice that says : "hang on Paul.....You might not be sure where this thing is going, But I DO"

as hard as it seems, this time I'm resolved to not grab the wheel back....

4 Comments:

At November 22, 2006 9:33 a.m. , Blogger Gayle said...

Thanks for sharing all of that.We need to encourage each other. It seems that it's through the hard times that God can finally get our attention...you'd think we'd learn to listen better ALL the time,wouldn't you? God has been challenging me with the fact that I have access to His great power....power that was sufficient to raise Jesus from the dead and seat Him at the right hand of His Father....and yet I am living a piddly,powerless life.Why? That song that I posted "Let It Be Said of Us" has been really challenging me as well and I see how far I have to go. We are so blessed with God's mercies and thank goodness they are new every morning! Praying for you.

 
At November 22, 2006 6:02 p.m. , Blogger Wendy said...

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27

Sorry you're having such a tough time, Paul...I'm praying for you!

 
At November 22, 2006 6:07 p.m. , Blogger Wendy said...

Hi Paul,

I read this and thought of your posting...I KNEW that I had to share it with you.

*************

Strength To Cope

When you feel betrayed
And you're at the end of your rope
You will find comfort in Jesus
With Him you will find the strength to cope

When you're caught up in lifes struggles
And they tend to bring you down
Reach up to the Heavens
And thats where peace will be found

After every dark cloud
there is always a ray of sunshine
Our days will seem much brighter
When He becomes our daily guide

His love is like no other
it's the greatest love of all
He is always there to catch us
When we stumble and start to fall


- Dana Brooks -

 
At November 24, 2006 4:42 p.m. , Anonymous Anonymous said...

....Gayle said it....we have access to His great power. Let THAT be where you confidence is found. I am proud of you and praying for you....as always.

 

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