Memoirs from a coffee shop

I find myself on this particular morning, sitting at Tim Horton's.... re-drawing my site plans...I find this environment, ironically, less distracting than sitting at home at my desk.....

so I sit here, nursing a coffee...... and I draw.....

In my direct line of sight, out the window, and across the street, is a big ominous United church. I bet in its hay day, this church was a going concern.... today, it sits empty and quiet.....

Yet back on my side of the street, it is far from empty and quiet;

the constant flow of people through this coffee shop, is staggering.

The CHEX TV van pulls out of the drive through; the cameraman and reporter smiling, glad for their caffeine fix...

A young pregnant mom-to-be walks past me, with a cookie and a cup of tea.

A "Don's Refrigeration" van is parked out front; obviously it's coffee break time...

A Grandma and her grand daughter, in bike helmets, stop in for an early lunch...

A middle aged woman and her elderly confused mother pass inches away.... her mom staggers and goes to two wrong tables before settling at the right one.
"No, no, over here Mom" the daughter giggles softly, as she tenderly guides her mom into a chair.
The verse flashes in my mind : "Honor your father and mother and your
days will be long upon the earth"

......still more people come...

A teen waits nervously for her job interview;

2 older men sit to visit; one with a coffee, one with only a muffin...

An older couple sits to my right.... she in heels and a skirt; he in shorts and deck shoes... an interesting match!

across the road, the ominous empty church comes to life, ironically, as a black hearse pulls up...... a final good bye is about to take place....

As I watch unbeknownst to any of the mourners, I see an old man with a cane and a Bible... he climbs slowly up the steps to the church....

more people begin to approach the church, dressed in their Sunday best...coming to say goodbye to a friend.....

the reality of life hits me.....

back in the coffee shop, people continue to pass through....

my mind ponders for a second, on how much cash must go through this place in a day... but then I realize much more important than the cash flow here, is how many LIVES are represented...

how many hearts pass through this place in one day???

working on my artwork suddenly seems trivial.... I look around me....

a lonely old man sits by the door..... sipping..... alone... His daily $1.24 now spent on his vice, he takes his last sip and shuffles out. The empty cup sits on the table, a symbol of a life that was here a minute ago and is now gone....

as the empty cup cools, my eye goes again to the hearse across the street ...

my spine tingles : someday, that will carry me....

What then?? Will all this "STUFF" have been worthwhile? all of the hours spent working, all of the efforts to MAKE it.... all of the time spent chasing a dream..... what then? will it have been enough??

when at last, the coffee cup of my life sits empty, and my cell phone no longer rings.... when my keys hang by the door, never again to feel the warmth of my hand, and never to turn another lock...
what then??

How much of my life will I have spent, wasting it?

Will the line of mourners for ME be as long as I'd hoped? will the time I'd spent here, have made a difference?

In my fallible finite mind, 2 things, I suppose, will matter :

First, for my soul.... it will boil down to what I chose to do with the Salvation that Jesus offered me.... THAT choice, will answer the sober question "What Then?"

Second... how will my children manage? in essence, my sole responsibility is to train them for solo flight... to help them so that they can make it, without me...

I have heard it said that a good manager is one who works himself out of a job;
don't NEED me; Learn from me...mimic me... be LIKE me...

but don't NEED me....

as I ponder this, the tears begin to well up in my eyes....

I like being needed; I like knowing that someone misses me.

But in the end, when all is said and done... what then??

as I ponder this, my tear filled eye spots movement across the street....

Six men in dark suits have descended the steps of the church...... behind them, mourners begin to file out of the church.... for most of them, their hair is white; their gait is slow; I imagine their hearts heavy..... another friend gone....

as I mull on this, I realize that my life is more than half over..... Three score and ten, the Bible says...

...... I'm past that already.....

my mind looks back on the 44 years thus far...... and I realize that those years will shape the next .... what lies ahead will be directly related to how I've handled the first 44 years.....

If indeed my life is half over, not only will the second half be shaped BY the first, but will very likely be much shorter THAN the first half... it's all down hill, and wayyyyy faster.....

sigh....

as I stare off into space, wondering if it's all been "enough" ..... again, I sense movement in my peripheral....

this time, my eye focuses on the hearse.....it slowly pulls away from the curb, leaving behind the gatherers to comfort each other....

someday, Paul... someday..... that hearse... YOUR hearse... will pull away.... taking you for your last ride....

will it have all been enough???

Carpe Diem..... the Latin phrase is universal... Seize the Day .....

When the last gun has been fired, and the smoke has cleared, and there are no more tomorrows to "catch up" on what I didn't finish today, what then??

In the words of Stephen King......Get busy living, or get busy dying...


......

my artwork is finished now..... I stand at the side of the table.... and begin to walk towards the door....

I look back....

normally I take my empty cup to the counter.... "I don't need someone to clean up after ME"

.... but for whatever reason, today, my empty cup sits at my spot at the table....

...empty and cold.....

I stand there for a second.... my spine tingles.... and I quietly leave....

I've got living to do....