Bee in my Bonnet

OK.... so this is a RANT! but it's my blog and I can rant if I want to! so here goes:



one of my favourite quotations is this:

"The True measure of a man ( or a woman ) is how you are made to feel in their presence...."

I have come to the point in my life that I evaluate people ( consciously or self consciously ) by how they make me feel.....


The older I get, the more annoyed I get by self absorbed people.....

don't get me wrong, sometimes I'm guilty of that too..... when my life gets snaky busy, and my pile of paper gets really high, I shut down... block the world out, and get down to business and ignore almost everybody.... but i honestly do try to not be so absorbed in my life, that my two shoulders and two ears are not valuable to my friends.....

in the last year or so... I've "moved on" from some friendships that were very .. hmmm.. what's a good word.... lop sided...

people who needed me to be there on short notice, when THEY were hurting....

But when I was hurting, they usually made themselves scarce....

In the end, i did the math.... I know... that sounds SO harsh and almost shallow....

but that is what I did.....

I asked myself these questions:

How much time was involved in the friendship? and how much do I get out of it?....and how does this person make me feel when I am around them???

in the end, the math ( as shallow as that sounds ) was ominously lopsided....

and I quietly walked away....

I stopped emailing....

the phone calls slowed and eventually stopped ....

and the last few text messages I sent, I didn't even get a reply..... so I guessed that the "walk away" was mutual.



know what?? after several months of silence, to be really harsh, I didn't miss the friendship.



but inside, I felt kind of unfriendly....and I didn't want to someday be an old man, and bump into that person and it be awkward.... I don't want to go to my grave ignoring anyone....

so I sent an update email... just to say hey...

and I updated them on my life....mentioned that I'd had a bout with cellulitis which turned into a blood clot, mentioned that I'd missed a whack of work because of it...... and that I'd missed MORE time from work because of a back injury.....

and I told them about my mom's health ... which as most of you know, was really really bad earlier this spring.....and remains a concern.

in general, the email "report" on my life wasn't very good.

But be that as it may, it is what it is.... and I clicked send...

and I waited....

in all honesty, after not getting any response from my final text messages way back when, , I wasn't sure if I'd get a response at all.....



today though, I got one....

a response that in short said this...

"it would be nice to talk to you as it has been months and we haven't really had that kind of friendship in the past. Perhaps we can have coffee if you are around and have a moment for me. "

and they gave me their new work # ....
************

when I first read it, I knotted up.... probably because I started to get the guilt feeling again.... for having been a snot for the last few months.....

But after I pondered it for a bit, I didn't feel quite as guilty any more.....

the long and the short of it is this : After several months of silence, with no communication at all..... my first communication with them is about some serious health issues, for me, and for my mom.....and yet all they seem to be worried about is how different our friendship is.... no inquiry as to how's your mom.. how's your leg.. how's work.. nothing....

all I got back, from them, in the end, was a guilt trip for not being a good friend......



I keep going back to the quotation :

" the true measure of a man is how you are made to feel in his presence"


and I say to myself...... if that person wasn't so self absorbed, our friendship WOULD be different....... we WOULD communicate.... I'd WANT to be in touch.... I'd WANT to be calling them, texting them....

sadly though as shallow as it sounds, sometimes I like to get something in return..... to know that somebody cares about more than just THEIR life.... and is genuinely interested in me.... and my health or my moms' or my kids'.....

sigh......

I DID tell you it was a rant.... serves you right if you get to this point in the blog and wonder if there's a POINT to this...

there isn't..

thanks for reading though!!